Struggling Through the “20 Somethings” Experience

Adulting came with everything except a manual. It came with bills, hormonal acne, responsibilities, debt, love, heartbreak, and a shit load of expectations. It’s even tougher when you’re preceived to be little miss perfect and everyone thinks you have it all together all the time and nothing is hard for you.

Right now, I don’t think I’m surviving this portion of my 20’s so well. I honestly feel like I’m living with what I like to call “functional depression.” And yes, I’m self-diagnosing and no, that’s not right, but whatever.

These days I just can’t seem to find my “happy.” I’m constantly doubting and second guessing myself, I’m disatisfied with everything I have going on, and I feel like I’m losing control of everything around me no matter how hard I try to keep it together.

There is so much change occuring in your 20’s that sometimes it’s hard to keep up….even with your goddamn self! It’s like you’re not grown grown, but you got a lot of grown shit going on and sometimes you just need it all to STOP!

The pressures of everyday life, wanting to be successful, and trying to keep up with the ridiculous social standards imposed on us day after day can be a heavy load to bear and sometimes you just get tired of trying to keep up with all of it.

On top of all that, it’s hard to find the right people to talk to because people older than you don’t quite understand some of your “millennial” issues or they have an annoying way of minimizing everything and comparing it to “back in their day,” you can’t go to your friends because they’re going through the same shit so they don’t know what to do either, and then you just generally don’t want to feel like a bother or want people to feel sorry for you, so you don’t say anything and just feel lost, alone, and sometimes helpless.

So that’exactly what I do: I say nothing and end up stuck with my thoughts constantly racing through my mind with no one to tell and no solution in sight…leading me right here to the functional depression.

I call it “functional” because I have a great way of making things look very good on the outside and being able to make it through the day, but on the inside and behind closed doors, I’m a mess; I’m not telling anyone what’s truly going on, I’m liable to break down crying at any moment, and I’m just not truly fulfilled or happy.

Side note: I am very aware that this isn’t good but it’s my truth right now and I’m talking about it because this is MY safe space, I’m tired of holding it in, and I know there are other people out there dealing with this same issue that need to know that they are not alone.

I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself and I feel like this is the perfect time for me to begin; The season is changing and my birthday is coming up. Both of these events are dedicated to rebirth and I am using their arrival as signs to begin this work on myself. I don’t know exactly what to do or where to begin, but I do know that the first thing that kept coming to mind was to get on here and write.

Writing has always been my outlet and true passion and sometimes hitting a low point is all you need to take you back to that.

xo, Mya Angelic

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3 Comments

  1. LUDELL
    April 23, 2019 / 5:30 pm

    I have known you for years and even though we haven’t been the best or the closest friends, it saddens me to read that you’re going through this. I feel you have soooo many great things going for yourself and you have accomplished so much in your 26 years. Hold your head up and fight that inner struggle you have going on because I would love to continue seeing your growth and I am rooting for your success. Have been a fan of your page since day 1. Keep it up! ❤

    • myaangelic
      Author
      April 23, 2019 / 5:31 pm

      Thank you! And I always considered you a sister for life! Your words are appreciated!

  2. Mike
    June 14, 2019 / 12:01 pm

    Functional Depression is very real! The struggles of the 20s is very eye opening. It definitely sends you on a journey of figuring out what you truly want to do with your life. Your 20s bring you to real adulthood. We become adults and have so many responsibilities all coming at you all of a sudden. As an adult I now recognize that “grown ups” don’t really know shit and they never really did. I say that because now we are adults who don’t really know shit. We had ideas about what being an adult would be like but we hit a point where things aren’t going how we thought they would. I often look around as an adult and think I’m not an adult adult lol. Being 27 now, I’d say keep your head up, life is the longest marathon you will ever run. You are still very early in the race, you can go on for another 4-5 years, still not figure things out, and you would be fine! Try not to compare your place in life to others your age. Their success does not diminish the things that you have been able to accomplish in any way. You may feel lost or left behind because they may be further ahead but you’re not, you’re just early in the process. Be sure to take care of yourself, mental health is a huge thing. If you ever need to talk or need to get something off your chest, we can talk anytime. At least give you somebody that will listen so that you’re not bottling everything up too much.

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